I’ve only been out of school a few months but I already can’t wait to go back. I got a grown up in July and after one month, I got my own office at my grown up job. Offices are way better than cubicles I’ve learned. I can close my door?? I can close my door and listen to NPR or Myths & Legends podcasts out loud without cumbersome headphone strings?? The office and the pay had me thinking I could maybe just work in an office for a few years.
Then, the first day of classes for everyone else happened. It was a Monday and it was my 24th birthday and I’ll be honest, I cried off and on all day. I knew where I wanted to be and it wasn’t in an office, clicking buttons to put money in the right places.
I’d had plans to study for the GRE all summer, take it on September 20th, and maybe apply this year or maybe apply next year… I wasn’t sure. Sometime, I said to myself, I will go to grad school but I’m not in any hurry.
I think I lied.
After my 24 year old existential crisis, I was feeling old… Most of the way to thirty with no real plans to chase my dreams. In a cheesy, stupid way, it was sobering and exactly what I needed.
I’m afraid of change. I hate change. I hate not knowing things. Like, did the waiter wash his hands before he touched the cup I’m supposed to drink out of. Or, does the custodial service disinfect the door handles at work. Or, what am I doing with my life.
I thought I wanted to take my time on the path to grad school because I don’t know what I want to study when I get there. I’ve never felt madden passion for any aspect of English studies. I prefer some to others, sure, but what lights my soul on fire is simply the learning! How the experience of literature is so enlightening and challenging and edifying. I want to share that! I don’t think I care how I share it.
When I learned this week that MLA had been updated from my sister who is a freshman in college this year, I felt… Left out. My people might be discussing the changes to MLA without me. I read what the Purdue Owl had to say. They seem like good changes but I want to use them.
Lindsey Grundyson 